Have You Heard Of Salad?

First of all, Sparks says thank you for all the fine candy stealing suggestions sent to Sparky's inbox. In the end, Sparky decided to go with the old true-and-tried method. It is called "Knock The Kids Down And Steal The Candy From Their Hands." Sparky waits until just the right moment (it is VERY important the kid has removed the wrapper from the candy) and then pounces. For anyone taking notes, Sparky says this works particularly well with suckers. Grab the stick and retreat to under the dining room table.

While on the subject, Sparky would like to say that Sparky noticed tremendous increase in the presence of "DOTS" in the candy buckets this year. What is this trend? Sparky publically announces "DOTS" to be a waste of candy. They taste like nothing in Sparky's opinion. So Sparky left the ones he stole under the couch. Pfft. Let us never speak of them again.

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Now Sparks asks you, have you ever heard of salad? Sparky's mama had one for dinner tonight from the Hyvee. She got up to fill her wine glass (that mama...I tell you) and Sparky went into action. Sparky just took the whole bowl. Sparky not clear about salad, so Sparky decided not to risk leaving anything behind. Sparky hear that at some mexican restaurants, you can eat the salad bowl. Sparky should look into this for his dog chow dining options.

Now, Sparky admits he wasn't so impressed to start with. Some green stuff, but Sparks likes to eat grass, so now Sparky thinking the Hyvee sells grass? But then Sparky found some cheese and Sparky LOVES cheese. And some peas and some corn and some onion and and and. But Sparky saving all his love for croutons and ranch dressing. Sparky all out of love and so lost with out them...

Sparky going to bed now to dream sweet sweet dreams of the Hidden Valley Ranch and their delicious ranch dressing. Sparks feel good about decision to steal salad. Sparky making healthy decisions after week of candy stealing.

Sparky Has Something To Say...

Sparky wants you to look at this picture and tell Sparky exactly what is missing...

Hmmm...Sparky has his kids, check. Sparky has a costume, check. Sparky looking at camera, check. SPARKY HAS NO CANDY BUCKET. Sparky completely unclear about how anyone can fully enjoy the Halloween eating holiday if someone doesn't give Sparky a candy bucket. And yet, Sparky's mama expected Sparky to walk all over the neighborhood wearing a saddle and a cowboy and NOT collect a crunch bar...not a plain m&m...not a tootsie roll...not Sparky favorite, the sucker...not even a starburst. Hmpf. Sparky's mama done lost her ever loving mind, if you ask Sparky.

Hence, Sparky spent most of the evening doing this:

Also, while Sparky has this platform, Sparky would like to take this opportunity to say Sparky officially disagrees with the the vet office guy. Chocolate is just fine for Sparky. Sparky regularly steals it from the pantry and it all works out just fine. Sparky just sayin. All this leaves Sparky feeling a little wistful.

And out of sorts...

Sparky going to make a candy stealing plan. Sparky suggests you email any and all stealthy candy snagging ideas to Sparky@SparkyStealsCandy.com.

Sparks Is Sorry...

Sparky has something he wants to say: Sparks is sorry for the blog hiatus. Sparks has had a few rough weeks. First of all, Sparks' vet says Sparky is too chunky. Sparky says "pfft." Sparky not applying for insurance, so who gives a flip if Sparkmaster not in "ideal weight range?" Sparky's mama doesn't care. Second of all, Sparky's kids have started school and Sparks misses those kids. It's just Sparks and Mama all day and truthfully, while Sparks love that mama, she doesn't play tug-of-war with rawhide bones or drop a lot of cheese on the floor at snack time. And she gets frustrated when Sparks lays where the cold air comes out of the floor in the kitchen. Sparks loves when his kids come home from school. Here is a pic of Sparks waiting in the Tahoe for those kids:

Now that Sparks has that off his chest, Sparks would like to address a very important topic. SUGAR COOKIES. Now, it is no secret that Sparks luuuuuuurrrrrrvvvvvvvves a cookie. But last night, Sparks' mama made some sugar cookies and SPARKS IS IN LOVE. Sparks would like to know: can you marry a sugar cookie? Sparks enjoys a chocolate chip cookie, a toffee cookie, a s'more cookie, but never had a sugar cookie until last night and SPARKS CAN NOT STOP WITH THOSE COOKIES. Sparks eat five right off that cookie sheet and they were HOT. But Sparks was brave and didn't make a noise even though Sparks tongue was crispy. It was worth it for those cookies. Then Sparks' kids put sprinkles on those cookies and well, that just sealed the deal. Sparks in love. Sparks mama like to never left this house this morning, but when she took Sparks' kids to school, well, Sparks ate about eight cookies. And Sparky has no regrets. Carpe cookie, Sparks says.

Sparks has one other thing to discuss: heads hanging out windows. Sparks never tried this before. Sparks likes it! All sorts of different smells, the wind whipping Sparks fur left and right...and Sparks would like to say that Sparks likes that front seat! (And if Sparks' dad is reading this, Sparks would like to say that Sparks has dementia and he was NEVER IN THE FRONT SEAT and stayed in the way back on his dog bed.) Sadly though, Sparks destination was the trail and Sparks had to run 4 miles with mama. Sparks didn't mind first 2 miles, but mainly wanted to lay down the last 2 miles. And Sparks would like to run for mayor of Sparkstown on the promise of: Dog Fountains At Every Trail Entrance. And free Hyvee bones every Tuesday. And free Andy's ice cream every Thursday.

So, that about it for Sparks. Sparks be back soon with more updates. Sparks headed to the Lake this weekend for some boating fun. And some kittens at mawmaw's house. That mawmaw a sucker for Sparks. Wonder if she makes sugar cookies? Peace out for Sparks...Sparks leave you with his favorite pose in the living room with his favorite peeps...Sparks loves that dad, even though that Dad wear out with the Sparks.

Sparky's Food Diary...

Yo. See this nose? Sparky can smell an M&M hit the ground from a mile away. Sparks has SERIOUS sniffing powers. And Sparky tall. Big nose + tall = prime food stealing capabilities. See Sparky's food list from yesterday as proof positive:

9am: A heaping bowl of dog food

9:15am: Two crispy waffles (my boy Hayden cooked his waffles too long and graciously thought of Sparks before putting them in the trash like mama said to...unfortunately boy forgot that Sparks really prefers a few pats of butter and a drizzle of syrup, so Sparks had to eat them dry.)

9:47am: Random dishwasher diving...don't know why my mama washes them when Sparks just likes to lick them clean

10-10:30am: Rawhide bone time

12 noon: Mama made macaroni and cheese for the kids for lunch. She scoops and forgets Sparks tall. Sparky steals bowl right off counter. D to the licious. It really is the cheesiest.

12:10: 5 crackers. Thanks, Elle, for always thinking of your boy.

12:30: Someone left the toilet seat up, Sparks drinks. Love it. Did try not to let it drip from Sparky chin to the floor, so Sparks not busted.

12:45: Stray M&M found in kitchen. Score.

1:05: Ice cube.

1:30-4:30: Sparky naps. Sparky dreams of snacks.

4:31: Assume position in kitchen. Sparky's mama gonna cook soon. Once she drop a pork chop. Sparks never forgets it.

5-5:30: All things that might drop from anywhere in the kitchen.

5:30-5:45: Some delicious hunks of pulled pork Spark's mama so graciously shares because Sparky turn on Sparky charm and give her puppy eyes.

5:45-6:15: The family eats. Sparky lays under the table. You'd be surprised what your kids will sneak you.

6:15: Clean off three plates on dining room table before mama can get back from kitchen to collect them. Good work, Sparkmaster.

6:17: Complete dishwasher ravage.

8:20: Check food bowl.

8:45: A little ice cream boy drops when scooping some in a bowl. Spark like ice cream.

9-10: More rawhide bone.

10: Sparks goes to bed. Hopes mama doesn't forget to feed him in the morning and dreams Hayden burns the waffles again.

Rollin' With My Homies...

Well, laying on the floor with my homies, but in Sparky world, that's like rollin'. But whatevs. Sparky loves his people. And Sparky loves home. Cept when Sparky's mama yell at him for eating green crayon. But if you leave your new school supplies where Sparky's snout can reach, well...Sparky thinks Sparky's mama should really know better. Jus' sayin....

Sparky Is Back, Baby

Sparky is BACK from vacation and whew...did Sparky have a good time! Sparky stayed with Sparky's MawMaw while Sparky's family on vacation and it was a gooooooooood time. Look at Sparky in this picture. See how dirty Sparky is? Sparky loves to play in the mud and MawMaw's house has all the right stuff for that. Creeks, bugs, a barn full of kittens, mud, kittens, more mud, kittens, mud, kittens...wait, Sparky repeating himself. Sparky loves him some fresh mud and some kittens to play with. Here is a close up of Sparky's paw...can you hear my mama screaming now?

Sparky has the best MawMaw. She buy Sparky bones and feed him eggrolls and ribs and take him for early morning walks. But Mawmaw's house much more quiet than Sparky's house...no kids running around...no kids to knock down and steal snacks from...but Mawmaw got kittens, and there is that. Sparky missed that family, though. By about Day 3, Sparky ready for his mama to rub his ears and his kids to play tug-of-war with rawhide bone. And frankly, Sparky missed his favorite place to sleep at home (right in front of the stairs after family goes to bed). Here is a picture of Sparky thinking about what to do outside, but sorta looking for family car...

Finally, Sparky family came to get Sparky. Whew. Sparky glad to be back home. Sparky has a lot to share about his vacation, but right now, Sparky going to steal Ellery's taco off her plate before she notices and then going to take nap in middle of the living room floor.

Sparky Is READY...

Yo. Sparky's my name, and boating is my thang. Rub some sunscreen on my nose, and Sparky is READY for some R&R. Vacation prep is in full swing around here, but Sparky is easy to pack for. So while my mama does a bunch of laundry and hauls out suitcases, Sparky just chillin by the door with his bag of dog food and waiting. Not sure when we are going, but Sparky will be ready to roll. Not sure where we are going, but Sparky will be ready to roll.


Wait a minute...shut the front door...Sparky going to interview my mama and get the answers so Sparky can go sleep in Sparky favorite spot under the end table instead of by the front door where it isn't cushy. See pic for reference:










So here we go...

Sparks: What u doin'?

Mama: Unloading the dishwasher.

Sparks: When vacation?

Mama: Tomorrow

Sparks: Sparkmaster going to ride a boat?

Mama: Yep

Sparks: What else Sparks going to do?

Mama: You are going to stay with your mawmaw a few days while we go on a vacation that doesn't allow Sparks.

Sparks: DOESN'T ALLOW SPARKS??????????

Mama: You'll be fine.

Sparks: Mawmaw got snausages? Brush my fur? Feed me leftover bacon?

Mama: I'm sure.

Sparks: Custom fit me a Fox News t-shirt?

Mama: Most likely.

Sparks: Buy me bones? Rub my tummy? Take Sparks swimming?

Mama: Yep. Yep. Yep.

Sparks: When we go? Sparks say let's go now.